Other options for this headline were:
“Never too late to learn how to jug.”
“Jim is juggin’ on the edge of town.”
“Down at jughandle land.”
“Jim experiences his first set of jugs, and he’s not happy. ‘They’re much over-rated,’ says Jim.”
As we mentioned in a previous post, Jim had once been on college exchange to the University of Delaware for a semester. One of his memories was going to the local convenience store, called Wawa (yes, wah-wah), where he could make his own custom milkshakes. As a lover of milkshakes, making his own was just nirvana to him. During our trip up the Eastern Seaboard, we saw a Wawa store and Jim’s memories all flooded back. This man wanted to make his own milkshake… and nothing was gonna stop him. We went in the store, and alas, the milkshake machine of 40 years ago was no longer offered anymore. Jim was denied. He left the store, saying how sad he was that he couldn’t make that shake.
Fast forward to today. We left Seaside to return back to Brooklyn with Ray and Gwen. A Wawa appeared on the right side. Gwen started telling a story of how she makes custom milkshakes at Wawa. Jim and Lisa told her their story that they don’t have the custom milkshake machine anymore. Gwen and Ray insisted that they do. Tentatively, Jim drove up to the store, hoping that the shake machine was there, but not feeling the confidence that Gwen had. They walked in and, alas, no machine. The store had recently been remodeled and the custom machine was gone. Both Jim and Gwen were heartbroken.
(So what does this have to do with “jugs,” you ask? Patience.)We left the store, traveled down the road and another Wawa appeared, on the left this time. The kids insisted this store definitely had custom shakes. Like Charlie Brown with Lucy, Jim didn’t want to take the bait again. He was driving and noted that he couldn’t turn left into the Wawa. Gwen said, “Do a jug-handle and turn right.” Evidently, in New Jersey, they discourage left-hand turns, so they’ve come up with a road system of right hand turns and pull-throughs, called “jughandles” where you turn right three times and then you’re driving across the highway to your intended destination. Jim wasn’t understanding the concept. But following his navigator, Lisa, he turned right. Then right through a little loop pass-through. Then he crossed the highway and was at his destination. What the heck just happened?
Shaking it off, he went in and was disappointed to learn that ALL the Wawa’s remodeled and got rid of the shake machines. It was true. And to make matters worse, Jim had to leave the parking lot, but couldn’t make a left. It was time to “jug-handle.” At this point, all familiarly with what Jim knows to be true has gone out the window. No custom shakes at Wawa? Make a right turn to go left? What has this world come to?
The moral of this story is, in the words of Tom Wolfe, you really can’t go home again. And in New Jersey, remember to jug-handle to go left. Or your family is going to make “jug” jokes all the way home and write about it on your blog.